What’s the Point of Rishi Sunak

Rishi Sunak is our current Prime Minister (who knew?) He only became Prime Minister because the previous one hate fucked the economy and got beat out by a lettuce in forty nine days (imagine being the leader of the United Kingdom for only forty nine days! It’s a good job Liz Truss has no shame) and because the one before that got ousted due to the resignation of said Rishi Sunak which precipitated the resignations of other ministers. Just typing all of that is depressing. In a mad few months, we burned through two Prime Ministers and ended up with a man so rich through marriage, he doesn’t know how to use contactless payment. And I’m sure as a banker (Sunak’s job before politics) he made some serious money, but his wife has Scrooge McDuck swimming in a vat of gold coins, level of money.

But what fucking use is he? What is the point of this very expensively dressed Lego figurine? He promised integrity, professionalism and accountability at every level in his maiden speech as Prime Minister on the steps of Downing Street. Within a day he’d brought the disgraced former Home Secretary Suella Braverman back into cabinet as… Home Secretary. She resigned a week earlier, a fucking week, before she was back. In what world do you resign in disgrace and are then rehired a week later to do the exact same job?

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson lied repeatedly to Parliament and to the British people like he was eating sweeties, whilst he was Prime Minister. There was a vote on Monday on whether to uphold the Parliamentary committee’s report looking into whether Johnson lied to Parliament. He did, we know he did, they know he did, he knows he did. Rishi Sunak did not bother to turn up to vote. Sunak was quite busy on Monday, hosting the Swedish Prime Minister and attending a charity dinner in the evening. Ok, he was working, doing the Prime Ministerial business so maybe he didn’t have time to pop across the road and vote. Fair enough. Maybe not. According to reports he left his dinner at 9:00pm. The vote happened at 9:30pm and he was only two miles away. If he had wanted to vote, he could have.

When questioned by a journalist earlier in the day which way he would vote if he was available, Sunak decided to obfuscate instead of be clear. He said that the vote was a matter for each individual member of parliament and his answer might sway the opinion of other members. What a throbbing member. Ok, again let’s take him at face value. He could have chosen to explain which way he would have voted after the vote, but again, more inane waffle when questioned the next day.

If he wanted to uphold integrity, professionalism and accountability, he’d come out all guns blazing at Johnson, eviscerating him, leaving him in the wilderness and making a clean break for us all. But no, like the frightened little mouse he is, Sunak didn’t vote and wouldn’t say how he would vote. In Parliament’s 750 year history, this is the first time a Prime Minister has been found to have lied to Parliament, to have lied to the committee investigating those lies and lied afterwards whilst throwing his toys out of his shabby pram and then tantrums off to a column in the Daily fucking Mail. What a cunt. And Rishi Sunak couldn’t even have the backbone to stand there and say that Johnson is a liar. What a spineless twat. Show some minerals lad.

So what’s the point of Rishi Sunak? If he can’t uphold the dignity of Parliament, if he can’t call a liar a liar, if can’t uphold integrity, professionalism and accountability, what is he doing? The sooner we have a general election, the sooner these useless Tories can fuck off.