King Prince Charles

I don’t hold any particular affection for the Royal Family. The Queen (I find it weird how everyone knows which Queen I’m referring to) died around the same time as Dad did and I joked that it was so lovely of everyone to fly their flags at half mast for Dad. He would have been touched. So when the Queen did pop off, I wasn’t really in the mood to give a shit, but in all honesty I wouldn’t have cared anyway. By accident of birth this family are given immense wealth and privilege, so I don’t really care for their travails. But recently I did feel a little sorry for King Prince Charles.

My lack of respect is inherent in the fact that I’m using a nickname of our current monarch which stems from a comedy duo called The Exploding Heads to be found on Twitter (fuck Elon Musk) and Threads and Instagram. Follow them please and revel in their comedic genius.

So back to my apparent sympathy for King Prince Charles. Old Charlie boy had been waiting for the job of King for over seventy years. Think about that. You know you’re getting a promotion, but you have to wait decades and decades to get it. The plans you must have, the spreadsheets and lists of shit you want to do! (This last sentence actually brings you closely into my processes when I have big plans. Gotta love a spreadsheet.) The deceased Queen got her promotion when she was twenty-five. She hadn’t offered her thoughts on all sorts at this point and she kept schtum throughout her tenure at the top. She was an enigma. Charles is not.

We know his opinions, they’re documented. Bless him, some of the time you can’t shut him up. But that was back when he was heir to the fancy seat. Now he’s getting sweaty in the fancy seat, he has to shut up. Because now, constitutionally he’s not meant to offer his opinion any more. He is our head of state, but he’s tied up by years of precedent and the fact that we’re a democracy. Charles is an avid follower of being green. He famously talks to his plants and has an Aston Martin DB5 which he had converted so that it can run on wine and not petrol. He used to constantly espouse on saving the planet and being environmentally conscious. But at the state opening of parliament recently, he had to read out a speech which cut out green measures and/or watered down environmental friendly policy.

And he did this seemingly without too much fuss or a hint of being royally (ha ha) pissed off. Being bound by a constitutional straitjacket must be really fucking annoying after all these years of waiting for the crown and now you can’t say or do what you want. So yeah, he may have Scrooge McDuck levels of money and the castles and all the privilege, but the chap ain’t free and that almost makes me have some sympathy for him.