It’s Cold

It has been cold, but I’m not really bothered by the weather. There are weeks when it’s quite obvious to me what is in my brain and what I really want to write about. But I don’t. I write about something else. There are many reasons why I don’t, but the main two are because the topic is too tricky and / or I can’t quite get my thoughts together to be coherent. I’m not kidding myself, I’m sure most of my posts are not always coherent, but sometimes I just can’t quite get everything to cohere enough to actually get something down. And this is on a wide range of topics, but recently the cold nights have been closing in and casting a veil on my life.

I like to think I’m pretty clued up on what’s going on at home and abroad. Well, actually I’m not, but I’ve got a vague sense of geopolitics. And I’m left feeling cold at the minute. And out of breath. I can’t keep up. And when I do scan the news, I shiver. What the fuck is going on?

I’m being dramatic, sure, that’s me, and I don’t feel a foreboding sense of oppression, I’m just left a little cold. Like every room is 2 degrees chillier than normal. I can’t imagine what those who are closer to world events are feeling like. It’s not dread yet, but a slow creep of a hand grasping for something.

I try and warm myself with a blanket, an extra layer, doing some metaphorical star jumps, a healthy and fun chat with a friend, but the icy tentacles are tapping on the glass. I remember lessons from history and the saying, ‘this too shall pass.’ But it’s difficult when you can see the breath in front of your face. What the fuck is going on?

I can’t get my brain wrapped round all of this to properly form something that I want to write about. Is it all awful, are there chinks in the tall wall? Any light and heat to seek out? Of course there are. Can my cold hands grip onto them long enough to warm up. Sometimes.

It’s relentless. A constant cold draft coming in under the door. No knitted draft excluder to help me. To help us all. When is it going to warm up? When will the sun come to burn some of this away? What the fuck is going on?