I have always been a nervous, overly cautious person. I’ll never forget being 15 or 16 years old and had just found my first ever boyfriend and I was RIDDLED with nerves at the thought of having to tell my parents. I’m the kind of person who books tickets to see my favourite band but panics in the lead up to the date because, what if the train is late or there’s traffic on the motorway or the band cancel and I’ve gone all that way for no reason? These sorts of feelings mixed with the fact that I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome make for a rather unsettled life. Please don’t get me wrong, there are worse situations to be in but this is how my life is and I find it a little difficult at times.
I’ve mentioned in a previous post that I go to counselling. A common misconception about counselling is that the counsellor/therapist will tell you what is wrong with you/where you’re going wrong in life and will give you a list of things to improve on. That’s not how it is at all. The type of counselling I have is talking therapy so I just spill out all of my feelings and my counsellor explains what I’m feeling so I can piece together my thoughts. Over three years in counselling, it’s taken me a while to realise that I suffer from anxiety. As mentioned in the previous paragraph, maybe the signs have been there all along but it’s taken until now for me to really have that lightbulb moment.
I can specifically pin point when I think anxiety really hit me. August 2019, me and the boyfriend put my house on the market and started searching for a house to buy together. In the following February, we were due to go to Disney World in Florida. Going to America and moving house happened really close together and it really threw me for a loop. Leading up to these events, during the Christmas holidays 2019, I remember feeling short of breath. That had never really happened before. My chest felt so tight but I just pushed myself to get on with things. It wasn’t until the latter part of 2020 that I returned to counselling and started to do some research on mental health. I found that I had anxiety. Granted, I have never seen a doctor to have this verified this but every single bullet point I had read was me to a T.
The tell-tale signs for me always are:
- Tight chest
- Extreme nervousness
- A feeling of impending danger/doom/panic
- Brain fog
- Extremely tired
- Trouble sleeping
I recently read that anxiety feels like when your chair tips back and for a split second you think you’re going to hurt yourself. That feeling but for hours on end. I’m the type of person that once I recognise something and have identified the issue, I will research the hell out of it and can then figure out ways to make it better. I now know that if I can feel anxiety arriving, I need to give myself a few minutes alone to focus on my breathing. I will make sure I’m comfortable – get myself a blanket and a hot water bottle. I will put on my favourite, comfort TV shows and will sleep in the spare room so that the boyfriend’s snoring doesn’t interrupt my already shocking night’s sleep. These coping mechanisms help to calm me and keep the anxiety at bay.
Here are a few sources/links to help if you’re feeling the same way:
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders
Instagram Accounts
@myeasytherapy
@crazyheadcomics
@chronically_cheerful