Loneliness has come up as a topic in my wanderings a lot recently. I read the other day that men in their mid twenties to mid forties are more likely to feel lonely than women in the same age range and I heard the topic being discussed on the radio. This got me thinking and the old brain was engaged in the background as I was going about my daily travails. I’ve personally felt lonely a little in recent times, although it’s worn off considerably recently. I’ve been single for a little while and inevitably I’ve felt a little lonely after the break up. There’s this big change and that person who was always there isn’t any more. These obvious feelings of loss then calcify into loneliness which can also make one a little bitter, bleak and sad. I’ve felt all three in the past but not this time round.
This isn’t a woe is me tale. I feel privileged and loved by my cadre of good friends, my ever present family and my extended network of ‘theatre friends.’ Knowing that I might have a few dark moments, I brightened my horizons by throwing myself into theatre and auditioning for shows. I’ve completed three shows in the last eight months and this has really helped me overcome the loneliness, concentrating on learning lines, rehearsing and performing and having fun with family and friends. And another one is on the way in September. I wasn’t too concerned about myself, I’ve had break ups before and I know what I need to do to get myself back to an even keel.
What’s interesting to me is the activity that started to claw at my positivity when I was feeling lonely. I’ve used dating apps in the past. Much has been made of their downsides, but they can be fun places where you can meet new people and make new connections, as long as you’re respectful, honest and happy within yourself. After my break up I signed up for one and went a-swiping. After a while, I realised the conversations I was having were pretty empty and I was just chasing attention for attention’s sake. I felt the urge to continue, but I knew that if I continued to swipe, then I would continue to get upset about my lack of connection to anyone, perpetuating the spiral into loneliness and possibly worse, resentment. I realised this time round though that by simply deleting the app and focussing on what and who was around me I would feel better. And I did.
Ultimately loneliness is a bit shit. And this weight of feeling can sometimes turn into resentment. Resentment of others and resentments towards others that owe you nothing. We don’t have the right to expect attention from others just because we feel a bit shitty. They don’t owe us anything. So I’ve said it before and I’ll keep banging this drum, if you want to have a chat, email me: catchup@abridgedblog.co.uk.
Or you can always chat with some lovely people who work for some decent charities:
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