I’ve mentioned resentment a couple of times before, last week specifically when writing about loneliness. You can check out that post by clicking on the button. I find resentment to be a clingy emotion that can smother you. Whenever I feel it, it sticks to me and I struggle to get it off. If you’ve ever seen the Venom films with Tom Hardy (great actor), I see resentment as the symbiote suit. Resentment is literally Venom. It takes over, clutches you for dear life and whispers negativity in your ear. What you need to watch out for is that the resentment doesn’t turn into Carnage.
I got a song filled with shit for the strong-willed,
When the world gives you a raw deal,
Sets off ’til you scream,
Venom – eminem
My resentment is triggered mostly by someone or something wasting my time. And more often than not, I’ve put myself in a situation where this apparent time wasting is happening. So it’s my fault. Yet I let this irrational insidious emotion take control. I hate it, because whilst feeling this cold fury I know that I should; 1. be able to control myself and 2. this emotion isn’t helpful to me going about my every day life.
I feel that nowadays resentment is a big part of the ill-feeling that swirls around our lives and I can understand why. We resent time being wasted because we’re told that every second matters. Our lives are so fast paced, that we can’t take a minute or five to relax and just… be. We resent others and the picture perfect lives they lead with the newest Lego or Toy Story trainers. (Seriously, I’m still pissed that the last time some branded Toy Story trainers came out they were just for kids.) But seriously. We all to a certain degree put on our game faces for social media and that gets beamed across the world. Most of the time we’re just resentful because someone is on holiday or their view is better than ours, or they have a new shiny thing. Some of the time we’re resentful because they’re with friends and family and we’re stuck at work scrolling through our phones.
So what do we do about it? What do I do about it? When I get resentful I get this curious mixed feeling about time. Time is speeding away from me because I’m not doing what I want and I’m missing out and at the same time, time is slowing down because it’s taking forever for me to get to the good part. First off, I breathe, I know sounds wanky and too simple. But I focus on just breathing. This focus equalises time for me. It slows and speeds up so I can get to a happy medium. Next I look around at what I’m doing and why. Yeah if I’m doing something boring or there’s a blockage, there’s always a reason. I remind myself of why I’m doing what I’m doing. And next… I just fucking get over myself. How the fuck do I think I’m so important that I get to be resentful about things? This invidious entitlement can do one. I’m no more important than anyone else and I need to remind myself of that sometimes.
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