Scheming Ballerinas – Long Read

I do enjoy the cinema, here is where I plug Northampton Filmhouse next to the Derngate again as a lovely little cinema, big comfy seats that show new films a little later than the big cinemas and put on lots of the classics, but it’s a little pricey. Please go, because I do enjoy the experience there and it’ll disappear if we don’t use it. Also after my most recent two visits to the cinema, I’ve been to the new restaurant Mission Chicken in Northampton, it’s situated in the Old Buddies restaurant. They do good chicken with a smile, I recommend.

In the last few weeks I’ve been to the cinema a couple of times and had two very different viewing experiences. First off I went to see The Phoenician Scheme, directed by Wes Anderson and starring in the main roles amongst lots of famous cameos, Benicio del Toro and Mia Threapleton. Now you may not recognise Mia Threapleton, but if I type in her full name, Mia Honey Winslet Threapleton you’ll recognise one of her surnames. She is the daughter of Kate Winslet. Fun fact, I’ve wandered past Kate Winslet on a red carpet whilst she was looking resplendent in a red dress. And I was in the background of an interview from the same red carpet with the director of the film I was off to see. And this week I went to see Ballerina (or to give it the full title – From the World of John Wick: Ballerina) directed by Len Wiseman. This starred Ana de Armas with an obvious cameo role for Keanu Reeves. I wonder what character he portrayed?

For those not in the know, Wes Anderson’s films are whimsical worlds, with deadpan humour in pastel colours. The Phoenician Scheme tries its best to live up to that. And I was fucking bored. I was tired when I went to see the film which would not have helped, but I nearly fell asleep four times and that wasn’t because of the tiredness. I wanted to leave, but my table for chicken wasn’t booked until the film ended, so I stuck at it. I kinda think Mr Anderson’s films are meant to be high art, a visual experience which is meant to touch us, tease out the themes and play a part in the zeitgeist. I have no idea why this film exists. I didn’t care about any of the characters and I could not give any flying, steaming pieces of faeces why they were on their journey.

Let’s compare with Ballerina. I’ve seen some Len Wiseman films, but it’s more germane to speak on the John Wick films, which Ballerina is a spin off of, which are a group of high octane action flicks, that get a little gory, but not too much, with Keanu Reeves as the main character, fighting and shooting his way out of insanely dangerous situations. Well, just take out Keanu Reeves and put him floating in the background somewhere and pop in Ana de Armas and it’s the same bloody film. I knew when I was walking in, that this would be the same film I’ve seen four times already. And I fucking loved it. Great action set pieces, completely ridiculous storyline with an attractive leading actor. And at one point, she has a showdown with a bad guy and both characters are armed with flame throwers. Ridiculously awesome and completely unrealistic and it was great. I was tired when I saw this film as well but I was not bored in the slightest.

Now this is my opinion. Wes Anderson’s films are meant to be irreverent, quirky, arty, something you need to chew on and the John Wick universe is fast paced, crunchy, absurd, full of action. You’re meant to think about Wes Anderson’s films long after you’ve seen them and you can forget a John Wick film ten minutes later when you’re chewing through your chicken burger and chips. But the thing is, this seemingly throwaway film was much more enjoyable than the film I’m meant to be more affected by. I just didn’t care about The Phoenician Scheme, I could not connect to it and I’ve enjoyed Wes Anderson’s films in the past. And yet the big, noisy, flashy adventure I cared more about. This person who essentially murdered about one hundred lesser characters on screen, yep cared more about her. And the character has a back story which is engaging (mostly) but forgettable straight away really. I don’t know, maybe it’s just personal preference. Maybe I enjoy not really engaging with what I’m viewing as long as the big noises and flashy lights are distracting my brain. And maybe Ballerina is a good movie and The Phoenician Scheme is shit.